Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Impending Doom

I have this overall feeling of impending doom. I am inserting a picture from a happy summer race to motivate me, lol. I have to be honest, I really don’t feel like doing this marathon in 2 weeks. I feel like I have barely run since my race in Nov. That’s not entirely true. I took the week after the race almost entirely off and only logged 10 miles. The next 2 weeks I logged in the low 30s with a solid 16 miler and 12 miler. I wanted to log more miles, yes that’s true, but it didn’t happen. Now I am in a 2 week taper. I feel fat, bloated and out of shape. This is how taper usually goes, I know this, but the fact is that I am kind of fat, lol. I have unfortunately let some real life stresses and drama get to me and resorted to some old ways of burying myself in food. Which is embarrassing to admit here amid all my claims of “this is it, I’m finally going to diet and do it right”. But I try to keep it real as I know many woman struggle with this same up and down. This is the first time in a long time that my weight has creeped up to the point that my pants don’t fit and I am trying really hard not to get too down about it. Trying hard to combat the “I’ve failed once again” thought. How in the world I ever let myself get 5 lbs over my highest “ok” weight is beyond me. It happened very quickly. And I am taking it really hard. I am a very short person and I have gained 10 solid lbs since I started back to work in May and I do not like the way I look right now, at all. I know it’s not the end of the world. I know the facts of why this happened – I sit more, I work out less, I eat more. I know, I know, I know. But it doesn’t stop me from doing the internal hate talk, etc. However, when I take a step back I know it is what it is and I know what to do and I just need to do it. But being that it is taper week I can’t bust my ass too hard. I can’t cut my calories back too drastically and I need to rest my legs. I am so ready for this race to be over. I hope to have a good race, but I honestly have a feeling that I will run it slower than I did Huntington and if I do, I am okay with that. Anything under 4:20 I will be happy with.

I am so ready to start P90x. I am probably putting way too much weight into it being some magic formula, but I am just ready to try something new and mix things up. To be able to stay inside my house when it’s cold outside and to cut back on my carbs, drastically! For those of you who have done p90x, did you use the pull up bar? I saw one at CVS of all places last night and am wondering if I need to buy it or if I should just go with the resistance bands.


jessica said...

get the pull-up bar!

tracie said...

hang in there monica and take comfort in knowing that you have several friends that feel exactly the same way you do right now and that we are battling against our own self talk that sucks too!

you may feel like you've taken steps back, but you haven't - you are one of the most dedicated people i know! you can do it and you will feel at peace again with your body! you've done it before - you will do it again!

Organic Warrior said...

Its hard getting out of a slump-I'm in one too. I'm reading a new book called Quantum Wellness that's supposed to be great. I just started & the first thing she talks about is small steps on a path to where you want to be. So today, I had a salad for lunch. And then a cookie & a piece of cheese. And some pomegranate 7-up. BUT I had a salad & I realize that's good! I sometimes forget that small things help to-I don't need to go all in at once.

As for the pull-up bar, my 16 yr old son has one-I can't even do one pull-up. Sad! I think you should get it!

Tina @ Faith Fitness Fun said...

I think its so fabulous that you shared all that. I just came across your blog and know that I can certainly relate and have felt all of that at some point in time.

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distance runner attempting to run a marathon in every state, vegetarian foodie, mediocre triathlete, sucky swimmer, mommy to Harper, tea lover, coffee drinker, animal saver, hubby snuggler, race addict, full time working 31 year old living in cleveland
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Marathons so far

  • Sept 2012 - Corning, NY - TBD
  • April 2012 - Louisville, KY - TBD
  • Sept 2011 - Erie PA - 4:25
  • June 2011 - South Bend IN - 5 hrs+ (it was 98 degrees!)
  • Dec 2010 - Rehoboth Beach DE - 4:26:06
  • Nov 2010 - Huntington WV - 4:11:44
  • Oct 2009 - Towpath - Cleveland area OH - 4:30:35

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